Gaptoothdiva OutspokenI started this movement with plans of inspiring and moving people to take advantage of the resources they have around them and walk closer to the life of their dreams. Whether they wanted to be music artist, fashion designers, famous chefs and bakers, or writers, my goal was to show you real people around you are doing some amazing things. I meet people all the time that knows someone or are that someone that could possibly bring you one-step closer to accomplishing anything you put your mind to. With this blessing came some very hard burdens, I wasn’t ready to overcome.

One of the first burdens was the time and energy required to take on this job. I worked a full time job at a huge agency dedicated to helping people overcome long-term or temporary obstacles in their lives, or at least that’s how they advertised it. The job reminded me of high school, except this time around I had better clothes. Most of the people that worked there were miserable and grouchy because of their lack of motivation in their own personal goals and aspirations, and what they did every single day was make it harder for the people around them who refused to suffer from that same plight. My journey ended with them, when I realized that one of the most pathetic people I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting never had any other job but the one she held. One day she showed me pictures of happy and excited people from the 80’s (my co-workers) and none of those people looked the same anymore. It wasn’t due to age, it was due to stress from that job. I decided I’d rather be broke and happy, living a life that means something to me, than to hurt others and myself working in what I now call the “belly button of hell”. I wanted work on what I feel God set me up to do, but do it full time and with every ounce of courage I own.

One of the things I didn’t realize is that with the position of inspiring and motivating others, you place yourself on a stage to be judged by all who discover you. Who is she to motivate me? Why should I listen to her? I wanted to answer those questions so bad, but the circle of people I had around me warned me of revealing too much of myself. Some said that I’m so unique that mainstream wouldn’t get it. I might ostracize myself before I caught any momentum. I suffered with wanting my business to be successful and prosperous, but wanting to be me. I’ve never been the type to pretend, so instead of fronting as if I’m something I’m not – I would just be anti-social. Well, that doesn’t exactly work in this business. The business suffers when I don’t feel like interacting with people, duh. Therefore, I have to put that bullshit away. I’m not America’s sweetheart, I curse, I drink, and I smoke occasionally. I have a relationship with my Creator that most people will never understand and that is the only entity that can claim ownership of me or mine. I’m not interested in people who run game; I like it straight with no chaser. I love direct people who don’t beat around the bush, and I got a fetish for bald chicks. There is so much about me that people just won’t get, but that will never be my problem. I just need to keep working.

Gaptoothdiva OutspokenAnother burden turned blessing that I had to realize… I’m worth more. There was a time that I would just get in where I could fit in. That’s the business; you have to pay dues. However, what they don’t talk about is the moment when people start requesting you and asking you for stuff, it’s time to start charging. I rather start small than to beat someone in the head with a ridiculous price not worth the service I provided. I know how much goes into what I do and how much I love it, so I charge a reasonable rate for a lot of the stuff I do. It hurts my feelings when people ask for stuff without mentioning pay. That is why many of the things I do, I do myself. I know that it means more when I accomplish myself without assistance, but I also know how greedy people are. It’s just a matter of knowing your worth and implementing strategies to ensure you get what you deserve. I don’t need to elaborate too much on that. I’m not a slave but I’m also not FREE ($$).

I never thought of myself as a “sex-symbol” or a “vixen” per se. I know that I have assets that both genders could appreciate, but I never flaunted it online for the sake of arousing people. That’s just not my style. I rather attract people with my personality and charm, but then again I’m complicated. Anyway, people were telling me don’t alter my look too drastically. They thought I should stick to the black hair long with different variations of styles but that was it. I was frustrated because I get bored easily; I need to change it up for my sanity. I don’t like looking at the same person every single day… in the mirror, lol. However, again for the business I sacrificed something else.

It started to get to the point that GaptoothDiva was becoming something I was not. I walked around with a name of someone I didn’t recognize. I’m girly and fab, but not that damn girly and fab! I’m pretty and bubbly, but not all the time. If I have to go into hiding every time, I don’t possess some of the qualities that people thought were me, than I’m already out of business. When it stopped making me happy, I knew I needed to change. Of course I love my supporters and my friends, but if they can’t accept me like this than no one deserves me any other way. I have shaved my head and have never felt better. I feel more sexy and attractive now than with hundred dollar weaves on my head. Now I know that if you looking at me, you really like what you see physically. You won’t receive a dolled up version of me. Don’t get me wrong, I still like weave, it’s just that I’m on a different level right now and that’s not what I’m on. I love me for me and I’m requesting anybody with an ounce of courage in them, to join me.

Overall, what I realized is that I was happy with what I saw at home, in the privacy of these four walls around those I love and trust. However, what if the people I’m asking to spend money on me, to support me, and to be apart of my network didn’t get that same person, than who am I doing all this for? I got tired of not being able to take pictures when my hair wasn’t done, or staying off line when I felt like ranting about some real shit. I’m not always right and I damn sure “ain’t” perfect, but each day we live our best lives we get closer to it, and I’m willing to walk with you at my best & worst if you let me. I am no longer afraid to say what’s on my mind, nor am I afraid to lose people who don’t agree. I rather inspire you with the truth than to annoy and irritate you with the same bullshit you’ve been spoon-fed for years. I love when people react and not just watch, I love it even more when they move and not just talk. So from here on out in my t-shirt and draws, with a baldhead and all… I’m stating, “I’m the Baddest Creative Motivation!”

Gaptoothdiva Outspoken

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