A year ago, I decided to make some drastic changes in my life. A super expensive party turned epiphany made me realize that everyone that smiles in your face, attends your events, and “likes” your comments on Facebook, may not really “like” you. I was bitter for a while, but I got over it. I got over the idea that I may have been a people pleaser. My desire to make everyone around me feel comfortable, feel at ease, and feel like they’re having fun, made me into my own worst enemy. I stayed in relationships with friends that didn’t have my best interest at heart. I dealt with family members that were even worst. I tolerated those conditions, with the fear that I would ostracize myself and end up alone. Needless to say, I was stupid!
After discovering I was pregnant with our second child, I finally saw what I’ve been overlooking. True happiness isn’t manifested through your false friendships and relationships for the sake of being alone. True happiness is those connections that you have where you don’t ever have to worry about being alone. Yes, I have friends online, but those relationships aren’t guaranteed to be personal or everlasting. Most often, I’m just a number to someone. That’s the truth that many people don’t realize themselves. Did it hurt to know that some of the people I actually considered friends; were just online profiles and nothing more? Of course, it did. However, now that I’m not clouded by the idea that I have a larger circle than what I did, I can now rest in the notion; I don’t have many people to please.
I’m more honest with myself, which in turn has made me more honest with everyone else. I’ve indicated my relationship expectations and my plans and goals for the future, and it gave me so much optimism in these past few months. Those people who couldn’t handle my honesty and straightforward ideals have eventually fell by the wayside. I only make decisions that I’m one hundred percent comfortable with, rather than constantly compromising for others without any regard to myself. I once feared being seen as boring and too mature. Nevertheless, at a certain point in your life, you have to let go of that misconception, and hold on to what you believe in. I’ve lost friends, but I gained new ones that I have never even thought were possible. I always believed that your friends were the people you could do/say anything with, at any time, good or bad. However, most of the people that fit in that category in my life didn’t care to whom those bad things were done… even to me. Real friends can handle when you say you’re not comfortable with something they did or said, and family should too. Relationships shouldn’t be destroyed when you speak up for yourself, they should get stronger.
Being in this vulnerable place in my life and carrying around a new baby that was definitely a surprise to us, has indeed made me emotional. Although scientifically those emotions are rampant, I’m thinking with a clear head. I’m another year older and bringing another life into this world. The most important things to me today are totally opposite than what they were before. I’m blessed to have a wonderful husband and a fantastic son. This is my family. My business is to inspire and motivate, not party and be wasted with my “friends”. My friendships are valuable to me; therefore, I can’t afford to allow anyone to hold up a spot that they don’t sincerely want. The family I was born into isn’t the family I have to tolerate. Even if I love someone, it doesn’t mean I should let them hurt me, emotionally, physically, or anyway else. By putting my integrity first, my faith foremost, and my foot down, I’ve found peace in a completely new way.
Yes, my circle is indeed smaller. There is no list of people knocking on my door weekly anymore. My phone doesn’t ring half as much as it used to. Nonetheless, God has shown me that I have more than so many other people, often more than what I need. I’m less stressed out and more focused on what’s important. I’ve taken in some moments of life that I didn’t realize I had. I’ve learned new skills and I’m excited to learn more. Most importantly, I’m not keeping myself up at night worrying if “such-and-such” is happy/satisfied/content/or appreciative of my decisions. I’m finally so happy!
Therefore, when you think all your friends have turned their back on you. When you believe that, your family is gone. When it seems like no one is going through what you are, and somehow you are all alone… thank God! It’s a blessing.
- Protecting Kids From the Inside Out (growingupwell.org)
- We Teach Others How To Treat Us (shareyourlovestory.wordpress.com)
- How couples make friends with other couples – fun sharing and emotion sharing times (psychologytoday.com)
- A quick friendship test (sciencetext.com)
- The Most Important Things in Life (theattitudequeen.wordpress.com)
- Friends (thefatcat325rtbh.wordpress.com)